Happy Birthday Sweetheart...

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3 years ago was the first time that we met,

I remember seeing this beautiful girl in the distance.

There was something in your eyes.

From the outside you had laughter and joy
always singing and dancing, but the inside I noticed quickly
an emptiness that was hard to explain.

My heart ached to know you better.

1 year ago I fell in love with you.

I wanted to take that emptiness away.

Not knowing if you would allow me to be in your life

I begin a journey of loving you as my daughter.

I remember holding you in my arms so tight as I gently wept.

The bitterness, anger and loss of love we shed with each other.

I'll never forget the day that you called me mum.

The day you said you wish I would of always been there.

I've held onto those memories for so long.

Your gorgeous smile, how your big beautiful eyes glowed,

Oh, I never wanted to let you go.

For a week we spent hours together…you were mine

I held you so close and never let you leave my side.

I would whisper in your ear just how much I loved you
and how I would always be near.

Those memories are with me always.

I know that you doubted then
not knowing if my words could be trusted.

We have had many conversations speaking of our doubts.

But then one day not too long ago, it happened

We knew that our love was real, our words could be trusted
and we would always be together forever.

On your first birthday in my life, I wanted to be with you
and praying that the next one you would be with your family.

But for some reason, God knows only, this has not happened.

Today's your birthday once more.

December 11th, the hardest day of the year.
Even though there are happy thoughts about your special day
the loss and heartache of your absence with us never goes away.

I ask WHY God so many times.

Not really understanding God’s plan for you and I
and what our future really looks like.

How was I to know that 20 years ago when a little one
was conceived in me and soon was lost.
That one day God would put the pieces together again,
not how I would of thought, imagined or dreamt,
but even better. HE GAVE ME YOU.

It really has all happened so fast.

Here you are our family puzzle almost complete

I know it seems we haven't had much time to spend together,

one on one, but our journey, I feel, has only begun.

So I will say again, today on December 11th it’s different from the rest.

We all love you so much that words cant express.

I'm so proud of you and what you've become, a beautiful young lady
whose smile shows happiness and love, God’s Love.

My eyes still get wet from memories of our journey,
but today my hope for the future made them fade fast.

This morning I was able to whisper again…

Happy Birthday my sweet girl…

Happy Birthday Sylvia.

And tonight will end the same way for me,
whispering, "Happy Birthday sweetheart" as I cry myself to sleep.

For the last puzzle piece has not been put into place
until you’re here with us, your family.

I love you!

Are We Called to Influence!

I am amazed daily how there are so many young adults just looking for someone to love them, to care for them and to pour into their lives. During this season of life I'm talking about a young man who is incredibly gifted and loves the Lord so very much. He hasn't had the same opportunities in life like you and I have experienced. He didn't grow up with a family or a "family" by our definition. But though his life has been different and in most cases we would say extremely simple or even lacking, he has a desire to achieve and make something of himself. He's asking all the right questions. The difference comes when you see that He believes in his heart that God will provide and make a way. But most importantly he knows it will take hard work, constant drive, stamina and continuing to trust God.

So, today I talked about a PLAN. What is that plan? Whose a part of that plan? What will it take to achieve that plan? Don't we all need to do this periodically in our own lives. Take a look at what we're doing and make sure that we're on course. For me its always been fairly simple. I have understood God's will for my life. I believe I'm living in his will. But occasionally I get off course a little bit. I need to re-adjust my values. This is maturity. This past year I started paying more attention on how much my life influences those around me and how I can help these young adults make good choices in their lives. I'm on board! Are YOU?

IF YOU COULD CHOOSE A GIFT?

I am thanking God everyday for a gift He's given me that I prayed for 19 years ago. It didn't come wrapped as I would of expected. It's not the color I thought it would be. It definitely has more baggage then I would of dreamed. This gift has changed my life. It has opened my heart. It has given me the opportunity to understand God's unconditional love for me in a way I never thought I could. I pray for this gift each and every day thanking Him for honoring me with it. It's the most beautiful gift I could ask to receive. It comes with more abilities, natural giftedness and love for God then I could ever imagine. This gift is Virginia "Sylvia" Wanjiku.

She has brought incredible joy to my life. God has entrusted me with her life. She has trusted me with her heart and in return I have given my heart to her without conditions. I promise to love, protect, provide for and nuture her forever. I never knew that such a gift would draw me so close to HIM! Thank you Sylvia for your love and being a part of our family.